Wedding Bliss
Posted by: andyouinvitedmein on: October 31, 2009
Our daughter got married this month. What a wonderful time we had with family and friends. How richly we were blessed. The ceremony was beautiful and the reception was festive…thanks to our many friends who helped put it together. People came from all over the US to help us celebrate this occasion. It was also a time when we missed the ones that could not be there.
The next two months are the seasonal celebrations when family are the core of the celebration. Remember to forget the things that keep you a part, and remember the things that make you connect. Enjoy the time. Time goes so fast. It seems it was yesterday that Liz was born, or we were headed to morning in daycare, or she was getting ready for her freshman year of high school. Don’t take moments for granted.
Have a safe holiday season.
WW(y)CD-Part 2
Posted by: andyouinvitedmein on: September 15, 2009
I wanted to add this little bit of personal information. I’m part of that group of 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 5 boys who are molested. There were no books in those days to help ease the pain, since it happened when I was a youth and now I’m 55. I was the victim of countless nightmares and would come almost nightly until I told the secret. My violater never was punished and I never got a financial reward. As well, when I reported it I was told “if we do something then it will upset so many people.”
About 15 years after it happened I visited my doctor who was also a church fellow. I explained that for each of the last 15 years the season when I was molested was black and I felt lifeless, depressed and dead for a span of three months. He did pray for me and then he told me this: You have no choice but to forgive. Whether you ‘feel it’ or not, you have to start speaking it out forgiveness.
I can remember leaving his office and looking into the clouds saying: I forgive you (I saw looking up there to tell God I forgave the perp). Just a little note here: there were no registered sex offenders back then. There was no group to sit around and discuss it, and no going back to get my day in court. It was simply God and me.
Realize now I had already been praying for at least five years about getting emotional healing from this, and it would take another seven more years….actually the Sunday before I got married…when our church had a time when people were asking forgiveness of things in their heart. I later fictionalized and wrote that service into my book And You Invited Me In.
It seemed that everyone was confessing hurt and pain and asking forgiveness during that extra long Sunday morning service. If you come from a tradition of three hymns, prayer and a 20-minute sermon, then this spontaneous service might seem a bit odd. Yet in a flash that can only be God, I knew my hurt and pain was gone, and I had truly forgiven the person who had violated me.
For over 20 years I had lived in deep emotional pain and suffering—not only from the abuse, but the lack of help from those who couldn’t help me when I asked. There were moments during those years when I had wished I could open my skin and let out the pain because it was so deep. I knew I’d done nothing wrong, but I felt all messed up because of this physical assault and wondered by God had permitted it to happen. However, there in that Sunday service after seven years of speaking forgiveness each time I didn’t feel like forgiving—in a flash it was like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. It was no longer scar tissue over my heart and mind, but just another event I lived through like breaking my leg.
Therefore, the following post entitled WW(y)CD and registered sex offenders operating with the church is more than blog-lite. I’ve been there, and I know that no amount of money or prison would have done what God did for me when forgiveness for this man became real. I had to embrace forgiveness before it ‘felt okay’; I had to speak forgiveness each time the waves of darkness rolled over me in the day and night.
My doctor said: you will never be the same, but God can make you better. And it happened. Grace works…it’s the only thing that heals. Forgiveness is difficult but it is imperative.
WW(y)CD?
Posted by: andyouinvitedmein on: September 11, 2009
What would your church do?
There seems to be a firestorm of press going on about City of Refuge in Louisville, KY concerning the ordination of a registered sex offender. You can find details about this on most newsfeeds. As well you can find out the stats about people who are abused. The numbers are staggering—I know because I teach young people about unwanted touches.
However as Christians who believe that God can redeem and make new, this may just be the beginning of something we will need to consider in our churches. What happens when a registered sex offender comes to church? What happens when they want….(and you fill in the blanks).
I know of a church that believed they could not refuse them, but established strict guidelines that if (s)he was to be at church, (s)he was to be in the company of the elders. I have read in the Christian Post that Rev. Randy’s church has set down strict guidelines as part of the ordination.
At one time 20+ years ago I had a preacher tell me that he would not allow a person with AIDS in his congregation and I was to not “bring that plague” into his church. To me it was crazy that someone could be refused entrance into a church…therefore, what about this situation? What do we say? How do we respond as Christians who have been forgiven?
It is time to consider the road to be taken if this happens in your church. Can this person participate in worship? Socials? Sunday school? Certainly they will truly learn what grace is by how you respond. There should be reasonable conditions asked of this person, but the overall question is: how can you lovingly embrace this person so that you display Christ?
Not every registered sex offender is like the man in California who held Jaycee captive for 18 years. We have friends whose son is a registered sex offender, and I’ve seen him participate in church. This isn’t a blog to convince you of the degrees of offense, but it’s one to make you think about what might happen, and ask how would you respond? How difficult is grace at this point—especially if you have been molested?
Here’s a fairly recent stat: only 4 out of every 100 sex offenders are ever caught. I got that figure from a training video from the YMCA. Therefore if that information is correct, then you’re probably going to church right now with someone who has at least acted improperly with a person under 18. However, that isn’t the point of the blog either. Blog point is this: would this push us all to our grace limit, and can we do it?
In closing this situation in Louisville is an opportunity for us to forget what unsaved newspersons are thinking, and begin to listen to God. While there won’t be a great number of churches that ordain a registered sex offender, there are many who might become home churches to these offenders, and in this situation: What would your church do?
Goodbye Ted
Posted by: andyouinvitedmein on: August 29, 2009
“…a good and decent man who saw wrong
and tried to right it, saw suffering
and tried to heal it, saw war and tried to stop it.”
Ted Kennedy speaking at the funeral of his brother
This week we lost Ted Kennedy. I’m a conservative, but many times I’ve felt he was a little too liberal. When all was said and done, Ted was my least favorite Kennedy. However, I’ve gotten a different picture of him this week, and I’m now very impressed with Ted. Here’s a man with money and power who never forgot people who were suffering. From all accounts Teddy Kennedy was the first person to call when you lost a family member or were sick. In speaking the Southern conservative talk…he’d be the first at your house with a casserole or cake in your time of need.
I believe that Ted Kennedy lived Matthew 25:35-36. Ted gave his time and energy to help the less fortunate; he was a voice to those without a voice. For example, he was concerned for a baby in Russia who had digestion problems, and used a diplomatic trip to get her and her family out of that country. Why? The baby’s grandmother was a resident of Massachusetts, and Ted served his people well. Too many politicians (and preachers) live to be served. They love their power and abuse it—nothing else needs to be said about this.
Certainly in the early years he was reckless and Chappaquiddick will always be there for people to point a finger. How many of us have had our Chappaquiddick moment where we lied not to get caught for something?
As conservatives we need to take stock of the noble things this Ted Kennedy has done. He was a strong supporter of civil rights—that’s a good thing. He wanted people to have an opportunity to have health care (today’s issue that has conservatives up in arms)…but have you ever sat without insurance and without money to take your child to the doctor? Back seventeen years ago I prayed that the Lord would send me money to take my daughter to the doctor because of a severe ear infection. I’ve made health benefits a priority since that time. This week I need benefits because my younger daughter is having major health issues. If I had to pay the medical bill out of pocket it would be many thousands of dollars by the time we finish…everyone needs access to good health care and health insurance. I don’t know what the solution is, but I can’t imagine people suffering for lack of insurance.
The liberal agenda of Ted Kennedy included getting us portability of insurance (i.e. when we’ve had health insurance we cannot be denied insurance for pre-existing a condition—the new company has to insure us); Family Medical Leave Act—so when you have to attend to sick family you won’t lose your job; and finally making the pharmaceutical companies offer generics (to cut through it all) so you can have affordable meds—don’t you just love those $4 generics from Walmart? So far I’m glad Ted Kennedy was my champion because we needed all those things. This blog isn’t about health care.
This is a tribute to the good of Ted Kennedy. In Philippians 4:8 God told is to look on what is good, noble and pure. Today I suggest we look at the good of Ted Kennedy and learn. He served America. In turn we should serve God in the same way: from being there first with a casserole to being a voice to those who have no voice.
For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat,
I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink,
I was a stranger and you invited me in,
I needed clothes and you clothed me,
I was sick and you looked after me,
I was in prison and you came to visit me.
Matthew 25:35,36
Coming Home
Posted by: andyouinvitedmein on: July 8, 2009
Hasn’t the news been full of deaths lately? Some expected, some a shock, and most untimely. We just returned from a family reunion in Houston. It was great! We left with our souls over-flowing with love, both given and gotten. So how does this all weave together—other than the fact we were on our way to the family reunion when we heard about Michael Jackson?
People have a need for their family to ride out the bad times, but also be there to help restore lost souls. The Lord is the one who ultimately restores our souls, but He makes good use of our family in the process. When they’re there, who else do you need? What happens, then, to people without family (either blood or by religious bond)?
I heard Chuck Smith, Jr. once say that when a person isn’t allowed in church, or to come home it’s like a musical piece that abruptly stops without warning. Even the non-musical sorts can discern that something isn’t right. When we separate from our loved ones because of a matter we disagree with…whether it’s spiritual, personal, or because of an argument about dish washer detergent (it’s happened!)…it is a song that isn’t finished, and leaves all persons with a void.
Many conservative Christian communities embrace the concept of disfellowship. There’s scripture selected for this practice. I can remember 40 years ago I had a relative-in-law disfellowshipped from the church because he killed his wife…nothing was said about the wife’s many transgressions, or the fact the fatal bullet may not have come from his gun because it was like an Old West shootout; it was messy. However, I was 15 when this happened, and considered disfellowship a wrong practice for these reason:
- If he killed a person, wouldn’t it be good to have him in church? Just when you need to embrace the Savior, the people who know Him just don’t think you belong with them even though it says in the Bible that murder is a sin like gossip and lying and coveting…
- The concept of disfellowship goes against the grain of what Jesus taught. He embraced all the outcasts and seemed to have a distaste for those religious sorts who thought they were better than everyone else (i.e. see the church disfellowship voters in #1).
- And then, finally, if gay people don’t belong in church (I’ve heard this twice in the last few weeks from people outside my geographical region) because of their sin…hum…well, then how are they to know how much Jesus loves them? And what about sin in the church, I mean if we kick out people because they aren’t clean enough to come into the church…my, my, my…let me think about people who are dirty with gossip and lying and coveting, for starts.
We conservatives don’t have an exclusive club with a secret knock. We have a building of whosoevers who have joined because Jesus lives in their heart, OR they are seeking to find out more about Jesus. If we rip the final chord from the song, then we’re left without a song. If we don’t allow certain people in a church, then we’ve forced people to believe that God doesn’t love them. Their hearts are then broken and they may seek other things to heal that hurt, or to fill the void. When we don’t allow our family members to come home “until they repent,” then we shut a door.
We have been given a great salvation, and to whom much is given, much is required. Open the door and welcome in that lost child…extend grace….love beyond reason and God will change your heart!
Just a Few Quick Thoughts…
Posted by: andyouinvitedmein on: June 21, 2009
Random thoughts from the week:
In the last week I’ve witnessed the hand of God move in a powerful way. While in DC I spent a great deal of time in prayer about several issues going on up there and over the next week God came through in an incredible fashion. For example my oldest daughter’s boyfriend’s rental was being foreclosed on. His roomie found places for everyone. Boyfriend’s place is a room in a large home. When Daughter and Boyfriend walked in they saw a man that she had been seeing at the Prayer Furnace. A place they go to that is similar to International House of Prayer. Boyfriend has been seeking a deeper walk and this is it.
When they headed off on their mission trip to Peru their flight was cancelled due to mechanical failure. Then their plane ended up being late and they missed the connecting flight from Dallas. And they were then sent to Los Angeles. LA to Peru and not Miami to Peru??? And it was at LAX where a friend was coming in that morning. Now mechanical failure prevented them from seeing this friend, but the moral of this story is that any sort of change in schedule is probably God-ordained. He will move planes around to get people together.
Twitter has overnight revolutionized a nation and the world. A friend of mine named Kathy wrote: “what if there had been Twitter in the Holocaust? Vietnam?” Exactly…and the cool thing is that people are twittering back ideas for the revolt. We have to remember what Martin Luther King, Jr said in his Letter From A Birmingham Jail: “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” We have to help those whose voice have been taken from them, because one day you might need a voice.
My last thought for today is this…as you know I’m from the South and I’m a conservative. So many times were hear about someone being “worldly.” Worldly means television, internet, Facebook, or whatever. Long ago it was listening to the regular radio station rather than the Christian station. Today I wondered if “worldly thinking” with Jesus might not be so much secular radio or embracing equality, but maybe being in the world is more a heart thing: lust, envy, greed, pride, etc. Pastor A envies Pastor B’s church and that is worldly. Just a thought…
My summary of all these random thoughts: trust God is moving even when it seems like all is lost; speak out against injustice because you never know when it might happen and you need a hand; don’t judge by regional standards of what is God. God is moving and just because He is late doesn’t mean he isn’t working—he might have a plane to re-route on your behalf. Finally, remember Jesus came and died for us. He gave us grace when we didn’t and don’t deserve it. Go and do likewise!
Legalism….Why???
Posted by: andyouinvitedmein on: June 12, 2009
Last week the girls and I vacationed in the Washington, DC area, and were able to get in a few hours at the Smithsonian. As an added bonus we got to see the new Night in the Museum movie at the Air and Space Museum. What a treat! However, this week the series of museums were in the news when a shooter went into the Holocaust Museum with a gun and killed a guard. It was his hatred and feeling of superiority that led him there.
As I’ve mentioned in earlier posts, I’m quite familiar with that type of attitude. In 1964, when I was ten, we moved into the heart of the KKK. In an effort to recruit my father (futile effort), he was made privy to physical acts of violence against African Americans in that year and place. The men who did this had hearts that were warped in a superiority-type of hatred for another group of people.
Amid all this with the shooter and the reminder of modern-day hate crimes, I’ve become increasingly concerned about the issues around legalism. This problem occurs when we believe we’re superior. We might not be shooters or even have an active “soap box,” but I challenge my fellow conservatives to step back and look at our actions….in a way that we make sure we’re never guilty of this aire of superiority.
One story that my oldest daughter told me was about a girl who had been active in church, then got a new boyfriend and eventually moved in with him. Now she isn’t permitted in church. What???? What’s this Body of Believers thinking? Is the church a social club for the “good people”–oh yes, good people, I guess that never sin.
Sin is more than just the outward and obvious. It is all about the heart. Remember the Pharisees…they did everything right according to the Law. However, Jesus wasn’t impressed with their pure actions, and said their hearts were sinful–just as sinful as those men in Fosters, AL in 1964. As conservatives we somehow tend to overlook the heart-based sins and instead point fingers at those who are in a “sin” that we can see with our eyes.
Therefore, my conservative friends, please examine your heart. When you judge by the length of a person’s hair, skirt, relationships, or the type of praise music and style of worshiping the Lord, etc. you are judging by externals. Turn and allow the Lord to move within you to more understanding, an act of grace, or examine your own heart for the personal issues you need to address.
You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature; rather, serve one another in love. The entire law is summed up in a single command: “Love your neighbor as yourself.” If you keep on biting and devouring each other, watch out or you will be destroyed by each other. Gal. 5:13-15.
Hate Crimes and Other Items…
Posted by: andyouinvitedmein on: May 7, 2009
I think one of the bigger issues this week has been the bill having to do with punishment for people who commit hate crimes. I’ve gotten a couple of pieces of advice from both sides of the debate. I would like to weigh-in a bit on this for my more conservative pals.
If you’ve followed this blog for a while you know that when I was ten we moved from the “north” (Kentucky) to an area just south of Tuscaloosa, AL. I had lived my first years where the integration of schools was simply merging a school rather than a political drama. The drama began (after we moved) in 1964 when my fifth grade teacher asked me about going to school with black student…she actually used the n-word. She asked about “them” smelling and biting. I learned that “them” were hated by the locals. As well the locals believed that “them” could be treated in a sub-human way. Members of my father’s church bragged about the terrible deeds they did to “them”. Members of our church harassed my father for refusing to join their local whites-only club called the KKK.
So here we are 45 years later. I’m finding there is a new “them” out there. I’m a school counselor and one of “my” children told me it was okay to hit, stab or kill a person because they were gay. Certainly a nine-year-old doesn’t just go to bed at night and dream this up without a bit of help from a significant adult in their lives promoting this belief.
I’m not much for making comments on hot political issues, but let me throw this one out for you (my conservative pals) to chew on….
Almost eleven years ago we had the opportunity to speak out for someone who had been injured by a crime borne of hate. Matthew Sheppard was brutally killed and I don’t remember one significant conservative pastor opening their mouth to say “this is wrong!” Instead we were silent…I was silent. Maybe we just wanted to be “us” and if we spoke out against what happened someone might think we were “them.” No clue.
Instead, in our silence there was one “Christian” voice–an evil man who said he represented “us” because in his demonstrations of hate he held signs that stated he was a Christian, and was speaking for God. Because we chose to remain silent, he became the face of fundamentalism and in many peoples’ eyes they think he is one of us…
This bill was written to protect people from him. So when we worry about what the hate crimes bill will do to “us”–we need to first think about what happens when our acts of grace remain hidden. Next, take we need to take our ”grace” temperature. Are we servants who live like Jesus or do we have a political agenda to protect our rights? Grace isn’t a warm fuzzy…it is dying to self so others can see Jesus at work.
I’ve heard rumor will this take away the rights of pastors/Christians who want to point a finger at sin. The answer I have: a person giving grace won’t lose their rights. When we live like Jesus our “rights” aren’t so important. We will take a bullet for them because we refuse to let “them” be harmed. Jesus did it for us…
Resurrection Day!
Posted by: andyouinvitedmein on: April 12, 2009
I am watching The Passion of the Christ with my family. I haven’t seen it in three or four years. As I flinch and tears well up, I cannot imagine someone going through that for me. The other day a few things went wrong in my life…someone has betrayed me in the workplace. Nothing huge, but enough to hurt my feelings. Then another someone someplace got their nose out of joint because of something they perceived I didn’t do. Then my car died with a huge price tag associated with the repair. And I’m a fallen solider.
What little something we get all upset over and Jesus took our sin even when we curse him, moan and groan and complain. When we murmur or get angry (stay angry)…he is right there because he died for our sins.
There is saving grace that comes from Jesus’ death on the cross. The grace that changes our eternity. Then there is common grace that is a daily occurence. Just remember that our daily acts of grace show people who we really are. Are we a hypocritical judge of others or are we doing what Jesus wanted us to do in Matthew 25:35, 36 — For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me
ASO in Dallas
Posted by: andyouinvitedmein on: March 15, 2009
Supplies available to clients are those necessary items that can’t be purchased with food stamps.
There is something wonderful going on in Dallas. It is an AIDS Service Organization called White Rock Friends…an outreach of the White Rock Community Church and its mission is to support the HIV/AIDS community by offering a variety of programs to assist individuals in their day to day lives. It is more than just your bag of groceries and a pat on the back until next month…
I don’t know who began the program years ago, but right now Douglas Shaffer is the go-to man with all the facts. It was his vision to take this from government red-tape into a program that’s available to meet peoples’ needs. Clients become friends who come to the church facility on Tuesdays (for the store, only) and Saturdays to get their supplies like Pinesol, bandaids, and toilet paper. They can also get clothes and have a wonderful lunch. Daniel is the head chef of these lunches and he has only missed one Saturday in eight years. That’s dedication! Everyone there is dedicated.
Another thing that Douglas realizes is that many times our friends who are HIV+ or have AIDS need food for their pet. Pet food is in abundant supply at White Rock Friends (and so is Emma, the Maltese and mascot of White Rock).
The word in a nutshell for White Rock Friends is caring. Everyone who serves cares for the clients. The clients feel the love. For Valentine’s Day there was an elegant meal of chicken cordon bleu, green bean casserole, dressing, salad (with nice greens), fresh fruit salad, chocolate covered strawberries, cheesecake with caramel or strawberry sauce…and it was YUMMY! My family got the honor of serving food that day. We also got the honor of meeting many of the clients.
If you are ever in Dallas visit White Rock Community Church and find out how you can help this wonderful ministry.
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